[ Kaneki watches Hide for a moment, before he looks away. His eyes search for the coffee, but all he has is the empty cup - that's what he focus on anyway.
There was so much. There still is. To tell Hide, to explain, and at the same time, to keep from him. "Hide from Hide"; hide what and how much, though? He doesn't want to scare him, he doesn't want to push him away, but that world of his, it's such a world that he doesn't think Hide would survive in.
And that scares him so much.
Kaneki knows he did things wrong, but at the time, he as so scared of losing the person looking at him right now. And he still is, Kaneki is so terrified of it.
But Hide knows. The reason why kaneki pushed him away. ]
... I couldn't... [ his voice comes out so softly. he remembers the day when he decided he'd be a ghoul, when he decided he'd surpass Rize. The day he ate her. ] ... I couldn't abide someone like Yamori- Aogiri tree.
If they got stronger, they'd do so much damage to the 20th ward. And you and... Anteiku would have to go through so much. [ through what Kaneki suffered ] I couldn't allow it.
[ at each word his voice grows colder, and his focus on the cup is lost. And bit by bit, he gets lost within the sounds inside his head. Rize's voice. Yamori's screams. A scratching sound. A maddening laugher, his own. ] They would get no mercy. I had to eradicate them, pluck out the bad coffee beans. One by one. Stop them all before they bloom.
[ with his thumb, Kaneki cracks his middle finger. He isn't focused on anything in particular, but his eyes are set on a point, which isn't anything Hide could actually see. ]
no subject
There was so much. There still is. To tell Hide, to explain, and at the same time, to keep from him. "Hide from Hide"; hide what and how much, though? He doesn't want to scare him, he doesn't want to push him away, but that world of his, it's such a world that he doesn't think Hide would survive in.
And that scares him so much.
Kaneki knows he did things wrong, but at the time, he as so scared of losing the person looking at him right now. And he still is, Kaneki is so terrified of it.
But Hide knows. The reason why kaneki pushed him away. ]
... I couldn't... [ his voice comes out so softly. he remembers the day when he decided he'd be a ghoul, when he decided he'd surpass Rize. The day he ate her. ] ... I couldn't abide someone like Yamori- Aogiri tree.
If they got stronger, they'd do so much damage to the 20th ward. And you and... Anteiku would have to go through so much. [ through what Kaneki suffered ] I couldn't allow it.
[ at each word his voice grows colder, and his focus on the cup is lost. And bit by bit, he gets lost within the sounds inside his head. Rize's voice. Yamori's screams. A scratching sound. A maddening laugher, his own. ] They would get no mercy. I had to eradicate them, pluck out the bad coffee beans. One by one. Stop them all before they bloom.
[ with his thumb, Kaneki cracks his middle finger. He isn't focused on anything in particular, but his eyes are set on a point, which isn't anything Hide could actually see. ]
I won't allow anyone to threaten that world.