[closed] this kid has like twenty fathers now

[lackey]

WHO: Jayden Zharkov (immigrantpunk), Mike Parker (lackey)
WHERE: Heropa Residence #012
WHEN: September 14th, 5pm 6pm 7pm
WHAT: "Snack" delivery.
WARNINGS: Drug dealing, language

[Mike Parker arrives at Heropa Residence #12 two hours late.

He might have underestimated how long it would take to get out of work, reach De Chima's Porter, hop on over to Heropa, rent a car, pick up the "snacks" from the other guy working for his employer's employer, and then finally drive over to the house.

He might not have thought about how long it would take at all.

He definitely needs to streamline this process some if he's going to be selling around Heropa in the future. Get an apartment and a car down here or something.

Mike parks his cheap rental car down the street and sits for a minute, just checking the neighborhood out. No cop cars, no suspicious cop-like folks loitering around...

No dinosaurs...

He's more worried about getting eaten here than he is getting busted.

Taking care not to make any dinosaur-attracting movements, Mike exits the vehicle and walks the rest of the way to the house. He's walking pretty fast. He's really kind of hauling ass - at a walk. Dinosaurs. Dinosaur, not plural. Doesn't need to be plural. It's not even like one of those plant-eating dinosaurs, it's a raptor. (He saw that movie, man. He knows raptors.)

Mike knocks hard when he reaches the front door and then shoves his hands into his pockets to wait.

Open the door, kid, open the door open it right now that bush to his left looks like just the kind of bush a raptor would hide in to ambush his prey.]

Comments

[immigrantpunk]

[When Mike finally arrives, Jayden is two burgers and half of a steak into his dinner that Saul so graciously provided him, and he's almost completely forgotten his new friend was supposed to be by with "snacks." When he does remember, and hears the bell, he bolts back into the house and out to the front door.

Thankfully, it's not the dinosaur who answers, Mike.]

Uh, hey.

[He smells like barbeque.]

[lackey]

[Mike jumps at the sound of the door opening, but he recovers his composure when it's just Jayden standing there. Jayden's not the dinosaur. Jayden's not a dinosaur. Jayden's not even dinosaur-like. That's really great.

Not waiting for an invitation, Mike shoulders his way into the house and puts Jayden between him and the bush outside.]

Hey.

[He leans slightly to the side to squint at the bush... only to pause, sniff, and glance questioningly at his friend/customer.

Someone smells like barbeque.

Mike's pretty sure it's not him, too. Like about 85% sure.]

You eatin' dinner?

[Is this a bad time for weed dealings?]

this is already beautiful

[immigrantpunk]

Um.

[He definitely did not expect Mike to just burst into the house like he was being tailed by the FBI. Fuck, Mike wasn't tailed by the FBI, was he? Maybe Jayden should have just bought weed off that guy at school who wears the tie dye shirts and plays percussion in the band.]

You okay?

[Now his pot dealer is sniffing him. This was probably a bad idea. This had better be premium bud, grade awesome weed. Otherwise he's never going through this again.]

Yeah, but it's no big deal. Everyone's outside.

[Including the dinosaur. Jayden's been trying not to make eye contact.]

fabulous pothead adventures

[lackey]

[Nah, he's not enough of a dog for the only (former) FBI agent aware of his existence to start following him around.]

Yeah, yeah, just keepin' an eye out for the dinosaur.

[Dinosaur probably would have attacked already if it was in that bush. But now all closets and shadowy corners must be regarded with the utmost suspicion. Unless the 'everyone' Jayden mentioned includes the dinosaur. Mike doubts it: he doesn't hear any screaming.

Sidling around Jayden, Mike scans the house.]

You, uh... you got a room in mind?

could be a whole series....... with a lot of complaints

[immigrantpunk]

He's out back, too. You're safe.

[Jayden should not have mentioned the dinosaur. He'd been half kidding at the time and has done nothing but regret it since.]

Mine's upstairs.

[He motions with his head toward the staircase, then starts leading Mike that way.]

so many complaints nothing but complaints

[lackey]

[Mike's eyebrows hike up and he nods once. ('Oh' and 'if you say so' respectively.) He follows Jayden up to his room, only sneaking wary glances at closets and shadowy corners when he thinks the kid isn't looking.]

What were you eatin'?

[Casual, friendly conversation, nothing illegal about to go down here, no sir.]

probably cancelled after the first episode tbh

[immigrantpunk]

[Jayden answers over his shoulder.]

Burgers and steaks... my roommate bought a new grill. I think he's trying to get on our good sides.

[No indication what "our" could mean, although he is thinking of himself and Freddie as an inclusive unit. She's the only one he bonded with since his own arrival in July. Everyone else moved out without notice and... now Saul and the dino are here.

Jayden's room looks typical of a teenage boy: clothes on the floor, bed unmade, Windows laptop balanced precariously on the edge of the mattress. The furniture is government issue and therefore lacks character, but he's managed to procure a couple posters for the walls. Beach babes adorn one and Albert Einstein sticking out his tongue graces the other. Jayden closes the door and gives Mike an expectant look.]

You got the green?

[He wants the product before he hands over any cash, especially to someone like Mike.]

network's reputation still never recovers

[lackey]

Steaks. Not bad. Wish we had someone tryin' to suck up with food at our house.

[The vague use of pronouns continues.

Someone like Mike? That is so... personalityist... and/or really good sense.]

No, I came all this way to see your bedroom. [He scans said room pointedly, shakes his head, and digs a ziplock bag of the green out of the deep inside pocket of his coat. Really went the extra mile hiding it during transport. Mike Parker, living on the edge. Unintentionally.

With a smirk, he hands the pot over. Behold the shimmer of little green buds and orange hairs and frosty white crystals. Damn good looking weed. The kind of high quality stuff you wouldn't expect someone like Mike to be dealing. He got a lucky break.]

If you wanna weigh it, go ahead. [Mike may not be punctual, but he doesn't cheat people.]

wow sorry this is late

[immigrantpunk]

[Yeah Jayden doesn't care where Mike lives, and in fact it's probably better that he doesn't.

He catches the baggie, which yes does look really nice. He opens it and takes a good whiff. Whew okay yes perfect.]

Nah, it's cool, I trust you.

[It looks about right, smells great, and he's trying to play this cool and not let on that he doesn't have a scale. He goes into his desk drawer and pulls out an envelope of cash.]

Here's the hundred. You can count it, if you want.

[He does still have an emergency ten dollar bill in his wallet, just in case Dr. Dino got feisty.]

no worries!

[lackey]

[Mike nods slowly. Trust, yeah, that's cool. He's so counting the money, though. Make sure it's not like Monopoly cash or something. You never know. $80... $90... and $100, nothing fishy about the bills, okay, awesome.]

Pleasure doin' business with you.

[No dinosaur surcharge today.]

This is some pretty strong stuff, kid. Couple hits and you're good to go. Don't overdo it. I don't want to hear the cops picked up some Russian imPort who couldn't remember his own name.

[immigrantpunk]

[Jayden nods and tries to look truthful, because of course he's not going to listen to that. He wants to make a joke about how they'll know he's Russian if he can't provide his own name, unless the weed is so strong it makes him forget English, too.]

Right. I'll be careful.

[A drug dealer warning his customers not to overdo the drugs he's dealing. How does that fit into his business model?]

Thanks.

[lackey]

[Mike buys the honest act, hook, line, and sinker.]

Yeah, yeah.

[If Jayden were a few years older, if Mike could be sure he was at least college-age, he wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't say anything and then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh some more when he heard how wrecked the kid got.]

You know how this goes, right? You don't know me, I don't know you.

[immigrantpunk]

Right, of course.

[Even though in the past he's totally bought from people he was already friends with so they'd never expressed this kind of sentiment to him. But he gets it, secret's safe with him, no narcing. Thumbs up, pleasure doing business with you.]

Thanks for stopping by.

[lackey]

Sure, anytime. Well, not anytime, but... you get it.

[Mike holds up the money, a sort of 'thanks for paying me' gesture, then he tucks that cash into his coat pocket. He heads back to the door only to pause. Problem.]

Uh. [He glances back at Jayden, trying to play it cool.] How do I get out of here?

[Without getting eaten?]

[immigrantpunk]

I get it. I'll be in touch.

[It's going to take him awhile to get through this batch of snacks, but you've got a loyal customer, Mike.

Jayden tilts his head at the question, confused.]

Down the... stairs....?

[lackey]

[Mike shoots him a withering look. How dare Jayden sass him. How dare Jayden sass him... while wearing a rather puzzled expression? How dare he disguise sass as confusion. That was sass, that was so sass. Russian sass, maybe. Or teenager sass - no, probably not teenager sass, that's usually more in-your-face attitude-copping.]

Down the stairs. [Mike turns his attention back to the door with a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head. He is on his own here. Okay, he needs a plan. He'll uh... he'll... uh...

Fuck it.

Taking a deep, steadying... shaky breath, he throws Jayden's bedroom door open and bursts through. From there, he proceeds to absolutely haul ass down the hall, to the stairs, down the stairs, to the front door, and finally out the front door. The front door is slammed shut behind him, less because he's courteous, more because he's trying to block the dinosaur who may or may not be on his heels. He makes record time back to his rental car and all but dives into the front seat once that door's yanked open.

Gripping the steering wheel for dear life, Mike makes sure to check the seats beside and behind him. Dinosaurs, sometimes they're in the car with you. Gotta watch out for that.

But no, no dinosaurs in sight.

After he starts his car but before he drives off, Mike gives Heropa Residence #012 the one-finger salute.

Jayden is picking up his bud in the parking lot of some fast food place next time, no way is Mike dodging dinosaurs again.]

[immigrantpunk]

[All Jayden can do is watch him flee in complete bewilderment.]

Bye...?

[lackey]

[Never a dull moment.]

[immigrantpunk]

[A+++ thread, let's do it again soon.

Mike Parker is a national treasure.]

[lackey]

[Oh, don't worry, the pothead adventures have only just begun and there's no one here to cancel them.

... Except possibly those pesky father figures. Can probably dodge them easily enough, though.]