[That's what he's caught up on. But he'll drop it in favor of trying to figure out what Gabriel is trying to get at. Aziraphale looks genuinely surprised at the apology, and then much less surprised as Gabriel continues. Ah. Almost. But then, well, everything that follows.
Ah well.]
Oh, I don't feel bad about it.
[Not even a little bit of guilt left about that one. Bad employee is a compliment at this point. And now he just sighs, folding his hands in his lap and speaking, quietly.] Has it occured to you, perhaps, that the confusion you're feeling now is not unique to you? That I lived through these same questions? I gave them my sword, you know, as they were being cast out of the Garden, because it felt so wrong to leave them helpless in such a cold world. I had no idea what that meant. I agonized over that for ages. If I was wrong or right to do it. In the end, I was glad I did. That was the start of it.
[The only one to offer anything in the way of reassurance or comfort was a demon, and that had been confusing too. Until it wasn't. Aziraphale continues.] I found myself confused and with questions as well -- and with no one to answer them without fear of being cast out. So yes, I found my own answers, with time, with trial and error. So much error. After denying and trying so very hard to believe the things I was told to do were the right things. I found answers and I found Crowley.
[And knowing, often enough, that they weren't.] Even at the very end, I wonder if you realize how hard I tried to make you hear. I hurt him, the being I love with my whole heart, because I really believed someone in Heaven would listen. Instead I was ignored, threatened, assaulted on the street by my own kind.
no subject
[That's what he's caught up on. But he'll drop it in favor of trying to figure out what Gabriel is trying to get at. Aziraphale looks genuinely surprised at the apology, and then much less surprised as Gabriel continues. Ah. Almost. But then, well, everything that follows.
Ah well.]
Oh, I don't feel bad about it.
[Not even a little bit of guilt left about that one. Bad employee is a compliment at this point. And now he just sighs, folding his hands in his lap and speaking, quietly.] Has it occured to you, perhaps, that the confusion you're feeling now is not unique to you? That I lived through these same questions? I gave them my sword, you know, as they were being cast out of the Garden, because it felt so wrong to leave them helpless in such a cold world. I had no idea what that meant. I agonized over that for ages. If I was wrong or right to do it. In the end, I was glad I did. That was the start of it.
[The only one to offer anything in the way of reassurance or comfort was a demon, and that had been confusing too. Until it wasn't. Aziraphale continues.] I found myself confused and with questions as well -- and with no one to answer them without fear of being cast out. So yes, I found my own answers, with time, with trial and error. So much error. After denying and trying so very hard to believe the things I was told to do were the right things. I found answers and I found Crowley.
[And knowing, often enough, that they weren't.] Even at the very end, I wonder if you realize how hard I tried to make you hear. I hurt him, the being I love with my whole heart, because I really believed someone in Heaven would listen. Instead I was ignored, threatened, assaulted on the street by my own kind.