[ It's okay, is what Apollo had planned to say. You can look.
But then he realised. It wasn't really Apollo's place to tell Midnighter that it was okay. That he could look. Because somewhere, out there, there was an Andrew who would be heartbroken. Furious, probably. The same way that Apollo would be, if he'd learned that his Midnighter - his soulmate, the other half of Bendix's cut-cloth - felt the way he feels about this Midnighter. A Midnighter who looks at him the way he does, despite the fact that Andrew was so painfully present in all the little things he had enshrined in his apartment.
Apollo's shoulders sag, momentarily defeated. The words that come next seem to come from somewhere far away, a part of him that he very rarely lets himself visit, and Apollo surprises even himself when he admits out loud: ]
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're doing.
[ His words are slow and cautious. Bearing his soul, laying himself open, feeling vulnerable and eaily hurt - these are things that don't come easily to him. He frowns, eyes moving restlessly around the room as if trying to process what it is he's saying out loud, like the words came from someone else. ]
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But then he realised. It wasn't really Apollo's place to tell Midnighter that it was okay. That he could look. Because somewhere, out there, there was an Andrew who would be heartbroken. Furious, probably. The same way that Apollo would be, if he'd learned that his Midnighter - his soulmate, the other half of Bendix's cut-cloth - felt the way he feels about this Midnighter. A Midnighter who looks at him the way he does, despite the fact that Andrew was so painfully present in all the little things he had enshrined in his apartment.
Apollo's shoulders sag, momentarily defeated. The words that come next seem to come from somewhere far away, a part of him that he very rarely lets himself visit, and Apollo surprises even himself when he admits out loud: ]
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're doing.
[ His words are slow and cautious. Bearing his soul, laying himself open, feeling vulnerable and eaily hurt - these are things that don't come easily to him. He frowns, eyes moving restlessly around the room as if trying to process what it is he's saying out loud, like the words came from someone else. ]
And other times... I love it too much to care.