"I guess..." he admits in a sigh of muttered words, finally finding his footing within his own mouth, and he's just glad that they came out whole and in tact. "But do you want me to? I- do you wanna talk about it? Because we can. I mean, I started this and we're here now, even if nobody has been the rest of before now, okay? I didn't..." He shifts from the crouched position he's been in this entire time to slump and sit leaned against the base of the window seat she's sitting in, knees dragged to his chest, the hand that had been on her leg sliding to hang between his knees with his other hand.
He takes a moment before he starts again. And it's all so much, and so heavy, it's hard to get through. Diego's not a rambler really ever, but he's probably saying more words in this moment than he has in one go since he's been here-- but he finally got it started and now it's just one thought barreling into the next and he can't seem to stop any of it. "I know she's the only person on your mind, the only one that matters right now- ever-- always? But... I never even met her, Allison. And the only people I care about are already, definitely, no doubt about it, dead... or stuck here, with me. I... I don't have anything left there, Allison." Arguably, maybe, if they go back in time far enough, if they can rewrite the timeline in the right way, maybe the world doesn't explode. Claire is saved. Mom lives. Patch. But... Diego doesn't have it in him to hope like that. Even on a narrow chance it could happen. Could be true, in some version of whatever happens on the other end of the jump on that stage.
"So, I guess... what I'm saying is-- maybe this makes me an asshole, but hey at least we already knew I was one, right? But-- no... honestly? It didn't matter. Until then. Now... because-- because, Allison, until I was standing there in that courtroom watching all of that... until I saw her sitting there, right in front of me, close enough to touch..." He isn't looking at her. He can't. He doesn't think he could do this if he was looking at her, to see the reaction bloom across her face as he says it, so he keeps staring at one spot on the floor in front of him, refuses to twitch or blink and tilt his head or breathe or move at all. "She wasn't even a person. She was just a splash article in a magazine in the line at the grocery store."
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He takes a moment before he starts again. And it's all so much, and so heavy, it's hard to get through. Diego's not a rambler really ever, but he's probably saying more words in this moment than he has in one go since he's been here-- but he finally got it started and now it's just one thought barreling into the next and he can't seem to stop any of it. "I know she's the only person on your mind, the only one that matters right now- ever-- always? But... I never even met her, Allison. And the only people I care about are already, definitely, no doubt about it, dead... or stuck here, with me. I... I don't have anything left there, Allison." Arguably, maybe, if they go back in time far enough, if they can rewrite the timeline in the right way, maybe the world doesn't explode. Claire is saved. Mom lives. Patch. But... Diego doesn't have it in him to hope like that. Even on a narrow chance it could happen. Could be true, in some version of whatever happens on the other end of the jump on that stage.
"So, I guess... what I'm saying is-- maybe this makes me an asshole, but hey at least we already knew I was one, right? But-- no... honestly? It didn't matter. Until then. Now... because-- because, Allison, until I was standing there in that courtroom watching all of that... until I saw her sitting there, right in front of me, close enough to touch..." He isn't looking at her. He can't. He doesn't think he could do this if he was looking at her, to see the reaction bloom across her face as he says it, so he keeps staring at one spot on the floor in front of him, refuses to twitch or blink and tilt his head or breathe or move at all. "She wasn't even a person. She was just a splash article in a magazine in the line at the grocery store."