[ OPEN ]

[gentrify]

WHO: Mickey Milkovich and YOU
WHERE: All errywhere
WHEN: Month of July
WHAT: Mickey is selling knives, door to door, on street corners, in dark alleys, in the line for mcdonald's, basically anywhere someone is standing next to him for too long.
WARNINGS: All this. But specifically in the prompts - bad words, mention of gross bugs, violence, genital talk, insulting the homeless.



A] DOOR-TO-DOOR;

[ the first thing mickey did, when he went in to figure out this employment thing and if he wanted anything to do with it (traveling to chicago ain't free), was pick out six of his favorite knives from the suitcase full of merchandise he was handed. those would be his, because he came into this world without his living room armory. they told him to go door to door trying to sell them, and while he has plenty of experience in moving illegal arms, door to door isn't exactly familiar for him. nor is the legal business part of it.

nor is any actually legitimate means of employment. he'd had one official job before, and it was policing the corner store he was shot in. he quit to go murder his boyfriend's dad. so.

suffice to say, salesmanship and customer service is not at the top of his skill tree, and when he shows up knocking on someone's door in whatever city he happens to be passing through at the moment, his sales pitch isn't the best - ]

Hey, I got this suitcase full'a knives I gotta sell. You need any? It's quality shit, man, like surprisingly good for actually fucking legal stuff, believe me, I tested it.

[ no, he didn't stab anyone. just a turkey. an already dead one from the grocery store. it was only a little bit psychotic looking. Also of note - it really doesn't matter who opens the door; man, woman or child, he'll ask anyone if they want to purchase one off him. kids love knives, okay, it's just good business. ]

B] ON THE METRO;

[ commuting is a bitch. mickey hates not having a car. he hates being on temporary good behavior and trying not to steal a car because he's not sure how much the military is tracking him through the little robots they put in his blood or the phone in his pocket. it means public transportation, which is gross, and unsanitary, and inconvenient, and annoying. there's a dude that looks homeless just now slumping over onto mickey's shoulder, snoring loudly, which has mick launching up from his seat, letting out a disgusted ugh. ]

Gonna get fucking lice just riding around in this thing, christ. [ there's a bodily shiver, like trying to shake bugs off, before turning to the person next to him, that he probably just body checked a second ago in jumping up from his seat. ]

Yo, wanna buy a knife?

C] IN A LINE FUCKING ANYWHERE;

Yeah, man, fuckin' ridiculous.

[ just standing in a line, somewhere - bus stop, super market, bank, mcdonalds, anywhere - having a chat with whoever's standing behind him about how absurdly long this is taking. that person is probably you, unless you're the very patient type, then it's probably another stranger, but since you're both stuck here, may as well make use of the time - ]

Anyway, hey, you need any knives? 'Cause I got a ton I'm supposed to be moving.

D] INTERRUPTING A MUGGING;

[ it's probably maurtia falls, let's be real. he probably came here specifically to look for people in this exact predicament. a mugging.

maybe it just started, maybe you really are in some serious trouble, maybe you were about to resolve it on your own, but either way, mickey's stepping out of a dark corner in the back of an alley, lifting up a knife, and throwing it with a freaky kind of accuracy to stab into this dude's thigh. thankfully, the mugger isn't another import (and probably didn't realize he was messing with an import (or being stalked by an import waiting for him to do something criminal)), but mickey makes it very clear very fast what's going on here. ] You picked the wrong fuckin' superhero to boost tonight, bitch. Now run your candy ass away before I put another two in your nutsack.

[ he's such a charmer, really, he is. off the burglar goes, and mickey's immediately whipping around to the victim, holding up another thin throwing knife in the way most people point their finger when trying to make a point. ]

This wouldn'tve happened if you had a knife on you, would it? [ he somehow manages to sound aggressively disapproving while being all of 5'7". sort of like a pitbull. ] Now take the money I just saved your defenseless ass from losing, and buy yourself one so you don't end up looking this fucking stupid again.

[ meaning, from him, pointing at the suitcase he dropped back in the corner he came out of. ]