[Open] Louder than sirens; louder than bells

[maglevflash]

WHO: Gogo Tomago and CR
WHERE: De Chima, and Heropa with the possibility of anywhere
WHEN: The month of August
WHAT: Pre-swear in: Gogo just going about her days. Post-swear in: Gogo in the hospital and recovering from Crane's torture
WARNINGS: General warning for Crane and mentions of death and prolly other nasty things thanks to this month's fun and games. Any pre-swear in threads should be clean. Updated warnings: recovering from trauma, mentions of torture, drugs, ptsd, etc.


[Going into August, Gogo can usually be seen one of a few very specific places. She's either at the university helping Dr. Wells, or the gym in Heropa; or working on a bike in the De Chima 004 garage. If not at either of these places it's a good bet she's probably racing through the streets or patrolling in her power suit.

She can be found in other places in both cities if one would like to catch her at the store or something.

Post-swearin threads will be by request.

For those that DO visit her at the hospital, she's pretty lost in recovery for the first few days.

Sunday anyone inquiring will be told that she is intensive care and not allowed visitors.
Monday she'll be physically better, but mentally off the rails. The doctors had to strap her to the bed to prevent her from trying to run away, and then had to give her a strong sedative to calm her back down when her terror at being tied up nearly causes her to destroy the room.
Tuesday they'll have moved her to a new room and removed all but the necessary metal. She remains heavily sedated as a precaution.
AFTER Callaghan's visit Tues-Wed, Gogo is still sedated a little due to refusal to sleep, but without her electromagnekinesis she is no longer a danger to the hospital or any visitors. She will, however, be more lucid and fully believes her friends have every right to abandon her after what she believes she did at the swear in.
She will be in the hospital at least through the weekend of the 22nd, pending psychological needs.]

Comments

Post Swear-In

[rassera]

[The moment Kaneda was able to get out of bed (by his standards, not exactly Charlie's), he'd taken to seeing how everyone else was. Ken was still missing in action, Tetsuo completely off the grid, so his only current person he could check on that was unaccounted for was Gogo. A part of him is a little apprehensive. After all, she was in a hospital, and that was one place Kaneda had learned not to trust. Not to mention that he looked like he belonged in a hospital bed himself. Bruises seemed to spot his face and neck, although that seemed to be the remaining healing that would have to go away on its own. Charlie had done a great job of mending and sealing wounds. The rest lie underneath clothing, with a few burns on his arms still.

Walking in, he makes his way through the halls with a bag at his side, looking for Gogo's room. Despite the...looks some of the doctors give him (and one asking if he's looking for his own), he makes his way in, knocking softly on the side of the door to see if she's awake.]

Hey...

[His head leans against the door itself, flashing that ever confident smile.]

Have they served you hospital food yet? I hear that shit's the worst.

[maglevflash]

[She hadn't been expecting Kaneda. Not just because they'd only met twice (although she can look back at the race and almost feel like smiling. Almost be able to remember that thrill), but Jaime had dropped off her comm already and reading through her messages only made her feel worse.

Tadashi's messages hurt so bad she nearly threw the device across the room. But instead she'd cradled it to her chest and cried. She listened to his voicemails repeatedly for about half an hour until she couldn't breathe and the nurse had to check on her to make sure she wasn't having a panic attack.

Kaneda's messages hurt too, in a different way. Her friends thought she'd left, or was angry at them. She'd let them down and hurt them, and then turned around and kill-

She's so tired. Tired of staying awake, tired of the nightmares, tired of crying. That confident woman you met on the road? Doesn't exist right now. Even at last month's swear in she didn't look this miserable.

So seeing him at the door was a surprise, and not necessarily a good one. Her comm's in her hand (she hasn't been reading her messages again, can't...hasn't been able to even make herself turn it on for a couple hours now, but doesn't want to let it go.) and while she's sitting up with the stuffed fox Magicman had gotten her tucked against her side, she looks like she ought to be laying down and getting some rest. Her voice is small when she finally remembers to answer.]

Kaneda...

[rassera]

[The timidness of her voice is enough to crack any armour. And Kaneda's eyes immediately soften as he hears it, tilting his head away from that door a little bit. You'd think she was a different person than the racer he'd met in De Chima a week or so ago, and his dark eyes flash with sympathy as he walks in.

He'd keep up the appearance for her.

That smile at least remains, slowly walking around to the side of the bed and setting the bag on the nightstand.]

This all they give you here? Man...I thought they'd make it a little cozier. Least they can do.

[Not so casually shooting a glare at the doctors and nurses wandering around outside.]

They've been treating you okay?

[maglevflash]

[She doesn't know why he's smiling at her. She'd thought he wouldn't ever speak to her again. She hadn't been there to answer, and while he's not as close as her other friends, and she didn't really let him down or anything, she still feels like trash for making him think she hated him or something.

The room is still barer than most. They only allowed her to have her comm after they were sure she wasn't going to use it as some kind of a weapon. She thinks they've been watching her closely just in case, but whatever. They need to, she supposes. Still, they never went to the trouble to put anything metal back in the room. Probably in case she was pretending somehow.

There's more hesitation, a twitch of the lips as questions burn on her tongue. Why are you here? Why are you talking to me? Don't you know what I did? I'm so sorry.]

As well as they should.

[rassera]

[After setting down the bag, he grabs one of the nearby chairs and pulls it to the end of the bed, back facing it as he sits down backwards, arms hanging over it. Her face was stained with tearstreaks, pain and sadness all but obvious. He wasn't sure what to say--how do you comfort someone who's been through all of that? He couldn't even comfort himself on his own problems.

Let alone someone else's.]

They're fixing you up alright, though. I mean...better than me!

[You probably would look better if you WENT to a hosptial, Kaneda.]

I was...just worried.

[maglevflash]

[Why is he worried? He shouldn't be worried about her. Not after the swear in. Saturday? She thinks it was Saturday.

She looks at her comm.]

....I'm sorry.

[rassera]

[His posture straightens, looking at her with wide eyes.]

Huh? N..No not like that! I mean, it's not your fault.


None of it is....

[maglevflash]

Yes it is.

[Defeated.]

I was warned I would lose control.

[So it happened after two days of mental stress and more drugs than her body could handle. The point is she lost control and if she hadn't...they'd still be alive.]

[rassera]

You didn't ask for the powers you got, you know.

[A hand gestures out to her, helplessly.]

You can't blame yourself for all that.

[maglevflash]

Why not? You don't know what I...

[God, she still can't say it. Not to him. Not to her friends. The nurse keeps asking her questions every day to see how she's functioning mentally and Gogo still can't answer questions about Saturday without her voice just...failing her.

She shakes her head, lifting the comm and wiggling it pointedly. She'd meant the texts, initially, but she's sorry for the swear in, too.

There's a moment when she's finally studies him, noticing how rough and worn he looks, and she half gestures at him.]

...did I...?

[rassera]

Does it matter?

[Before she can even finish her sentence, he shrugs his shoulders, a little wearily. Moving that part of his body hurts, but it's certainly not something he's going to admit outright in front of her. He smiles, waving his hand off about the phone. Whatever feelings he had during those days had been wiped clean.

But at her question, that hand goes right up to his cheek, gently rubbing the bruised area just under his eye.]

Heh, this? Nah, this is from some asshole with a big head and an even bigger attitude problem.

[maglevflash]

[She relaxes slightly. At least she didn't hurt all of her friends. Not that she's relieved he's hurt or anything, more glad that he seems okay, but just...relieved that it's one less weight on her shoulders.

She'll take small mercies right now.]

What are do you doing here?

[rassera]

[He sees her relax, and in turn that relaxes him. Whatever damage she'd accumulated on him had probably been healed already, so no sense in making her worry about that. It honestly didn't matter to him right now.

None of it did.]

Well, visiting hours are right now, aren't they?

[Okay, a slightly less sassy answer.]

Like I said, was worried about you. Things got a little crazy, you know? And...I wanted to make sure ALL they're doing is helping you.

[maglevflash]

[Her confusion at that statement is enough to temporarily cut through everything else.]

What else would they be doing with me?

[rassera]

...


Friend of mine went into a hospital once. They...tested on him.

[maglevflash]

...tested.

[It's not necessarily a question, because by his tone and attitude she can guess well enough.

She feels a bit like an experiment herself, after Crane.

Sorry Kaneda, you're gonna lose her for a little bit as her eyes unfocus. She can't even think about it without remembering...]

[rassera]

Hey...

Gogo.

[He sees her kind of drift off, leaning up from the chair and getting to his feet, walking over to the side of the bed.]

Gogo?

[maglevflash]

[She's breathing harder, the room feeling really short of air all of a sudden. Is it hot? It feels hot. She reaches out towards Kaneda, searching for something to hold on to as the memories surge up to choke her. She's not alone, she's not.]

[rassera]

[It's instinctive, and he leans into those hands, arms going around her to act as a support.

Never in a million years did Kaneda see himself doing this, hands pressing to her shoulders gently, holding out as he tries to bring her back to Earth.]

Hey...hey it's okay. Easy...

[maglevflash]

[God, it's hard. It's so hard. She sobs quietly as the memories try to surge over her and drag her under and she's not alone...it's not dark and quiet and there's someone here alive and whole and she covers her face with one shaking hand.

Kaneda doesn't deserve to watch her break down like this. What the hell is her deal? She's supposed to be stronger than this, better than this, she's supposed to-

this is all your fault, isn't it? No one is coming for you

She grits her teeth and cusses low, under her breath. She can't breathe.]

[rassera]

[If asked, he would probably have an answer. It's something he's been fighting with a lot himself--waking up at night holding a gun, every scream that you hear from a nightmare across the hall could mean the end of the world. It makes for sleepless nights, and sleepier days.

Memories flash, names are spoken in your mind. You leave the world yet remain in it at the same time. Not something he likes to talk about...

But he knows.]

Hey...look at me, okay?

[He bends his head down, dark eyes trying to pierce whatever's clouding her view. Stab through that fear.]

Gogo-chan.

[That voice is soft, the accent showing through, calling out to her, remembering how Kei had called to him.]

[maglevflash]

[She reacts to her name, softly spoken in a way she's never heard before; a distinct Japanese tone that she's heard seamlessly meshed in a San Fransokyo dialect throughout the city but never from her friends, and certainly not since she's been in this world. It's different, and much like her real name it's something that Crane has never touched.

So she focuses on Kaneda, eyes wide with silent panic as she clutches at his jacket and shakes.]

Can't...stop it... couldn't... stop.

[rassera]

[He notices the change, that something sparked in those eyes when his accent came out. He's not sure why--maybe something she remembers, or maybe his tone. Whatever it was, it'd worked. She was more coherent now.

So...why not go all the way?

Without letting go of her shoulder, he digs into his pocket for something--his communicator. To shut off the English on his side. He's not sure if she'll understand, but sometimes you don't have to. The sound of something can be enough.

Words don't always work, but voices do.

So instead of English, Japanese comes out.]

Shinpai nai yo, Gogo-chan.

[maglevflash]

[She can't focus enough to translate, to think about the vague Japanese one picks up living in the city, and knowing the Hamadas. But it's something pure that has no place in her nightmares and it's enough.

It's enough.

She's crying helplessly, tears dripping off her chin, as her breath crashes back to her in short, painful sobs.

Shit. Shit.]

Mianhae, Kaneda.

[rassera]

[He can't understand her either, but for some reason, it gets a smile out of him. Maybe his own theory proved true to him.

He doesn't know how to answer, not without some odd awkward Japanese vocal tics. His glove reaches up, using the palm to wipe her eyes]

Daijoubu dayo...Daijoubu dayo.

[There's one more hug, rubbing the back of that jacket and pulling it around her a bit.]