masquerading as a man with a reason

[sassguard]

WHO: Shepard and Thane Krios
WHERE: At a bar in Heropa
WHEN: Backdated to an evening a few days after the horsemen event.
WHAT: Catching up.
WARNINGS: References to violence, probably.

[ The last few days had been one hell of a ride, between his friends falling comatose, the mess of accidentally injuring civilians with Samara, and then losing two days in a haze and waking up severely dehydrated and with a headache to make him want to end worlds. Shepard's not as badly affected as others, but he's always prided himself on a sense of control and doing the right thing, and that went down the drain pretty quickly once things had really gotten into swing.

Thane's always been good company for when he wanted someone who might not necessarily tell him things he liked to hear, but was a comforting, judgement-free presence anyway. At the agreed on time, Thane will find Shepard at the bar, already nursing a glass of whiskey wistfully. ]

I remember when this stuff actually used to get me drunk. [ He says without preamble, once he catches Thane coming up to him. ]

How've you been, Thane?

Comments

[chancetoatone]

[When Shepard had invited him here, he'd felt a pang of guilt. Without the confines of the ship to bind them, the crew had seemingly drifted apart, and he'd allowed it to happen. Shepard was and had been his first true friend in several years, and he'd allowed contact with him to fall to the wayside. He'd made a personal vow not to let that happen again, as he made his way to the bar Shepard had mentioned as a meeting place.

When Shepard spoke as he approached, he looked to the glass Shepard held, then back to Shepard.]

My condolences. [It was spoken in his usual tone he used when joking, which wasn't much different from his casual tone.] Relatively unscathed. [And he took a seat next to Shepard.] And you?

[sassguard]

[ It's a more complicated question than it appears on the surface. Shepard isn't used to admitting to feeling off-balance, and there's even less incentive to do it here. ]

Not really sure. [ He admits eventually, honestly. ] I got suspended from the force a few days ago. They're, uh, reviewing my case, but right now it looks like I'm going to be put on probation.

[chancetoatone]

[He frowned. Had he really been that oblivious?]

What have you allegedly done?

[sassguard]

There's no alleged about it. [ He looked down at his drink, frowned, and drained it before he responded. ]

I killed a few civilians while I was hallucinating. I was convinced they were people from our world, and I just lost my head.

[chancetoatone]

[His expression darkened somewhat.]

I see. Have you identified these civilians? Made amends with their families?

[Because killing people who had it coming was one thing. Innocent bystanders, well, atonement was in order, whether it was accidental or not.]

[sassguard]

Yes. I've spoken with ... those that would listen.

[ He looked down, only the seriousness of the matter keeping him from smiling wryly. Of course, it's barely anything compared to killing an entire system... but does Thane even know about that? Timelines are so confused, here. ]

It's hard to know how to apologize for something that wasn't in your control. [ It's said frankly, and bluntly. ] When I've killed before -- intentionally or otherwise -- at least I can remember what led to the situation. But this... I remember taking down Saren, and Morinth. I only found out who they were later, when I asked.

They're willing to reinstate me, but I'm not sure I should take them up on it.

[chancetoatone]

[He frowned at Shepard's story, but out of sympathy, not judgement.]

I see. And why are you uncertain whether you should accept or not?

[sassguard]

Couple of reasons. [ He frowns. ] I wasn't able to prevent it from happening this time. I don't know if there's any way of preventing it from happening again.

[ And that's a reasoning that boils down mostly to fear, and he knows it, but... it is what it is. ]

Second thing is, I'm not sure if there's something better I could be doing. This place isn't home, and there's still a lot that we don't know... [ His mouth twists, wryly. ] There could be more spies to find.

[chancetoatone]

[He folds his hands in front of him, looking at Shepard evenly.]

What happened exactly?

[sassguard]

[ Where to even begin? ]

At the time, I wasn't sure how it started -- all I knew was that there were more police reports coming in about people starting fights in the middle of the street. Almost like they were ready to riot. I was just supposed to break them up and bring in anyone who wasn't cooperating, but...

[ He shook his head. It's frustratingly clear, in retrospect, that he hadn't been acting out of his own will, but some kind of warped perception. He can still remember how clear things seemed back then. Now he just feels like a fool, even if he logically knows it's not his fault. ]

A few hours after that, I began -- hallucinating. Seeing people as husks. I'm pretty sure I even saw Saren, at one point. [ He pauses. ] I'm surprised I didn't kill more people.

[chancetoatone]

You were a victim as much as they were. [His tone was sympathetic.] And yet your superiors only see face value, and you're punished for it. [The faintest of smiles toughed the corner of his mouth.] How often is that now, Shepard?

[sassguard]

[ Shepard was about to protest that if anyone was a victim, it certainly wasn't him, and yet despite his own misgivings, Thane's question was too on the mark for him to deny. ]

Too many times to count. [ He admitted, looking down. ] I'm starting to think Jacob's got the right idea.

[ He won't refer to Archangel explicitly in connection with Jacob's name, not in a public place like this, but he figured Thane would understand what he meant. ]

[chancetoatone]

[He tilted his head to the side for a moment, before nodding.]

Yes, I suppose he does.

[sassguard]

[ Shepard gave Thane a wry look, then shook his head. ]

Sorry. That's enough about me. What have you been up to?

[ Small talk isn't his forte, but he's curious about his crew, and catching up to what they've been doing. ]

[chancetoatone]

There isn't much to speak of. I've been listening, watching. I've started a new treatment that seems to be helping, utilizing technology from his homeworld. I don't know if it's permanent, but I'll take it.

[He pauses for a moment.]

Samara and I visited the Painted Desert.

[sassguard]

[ Shepard nods, perhaps a touch of relief in his expression, a burden slightly lessened. He's no healer, so it's not like he could have realistically done anything about Thane's condition, but it's good to know that he's thriving, at least in one way or another. ]

Did you? I didn't know that. [ A pause, as he weighs whether perhaps there's something he should be reading into this. ]

What made you decide to go out there?

[chancetoatone]

I've always wanted to visit a desert, Shepard. I suppose it was something like a pilgrimage. My people originally come from a desert planet.